امروز دیگه حوصله نوشتن مطلب انگلیسی نداشتم دیگه نمیدونم یه جورایی خسته شدم از این که هر روز یه چیز جدید میشنوم از یه جای جدید. یه روز از کمپانی فیلم سازی برادران وارنر که میان یه فیلم مسخره میسازند به نام ۳۰۰ یه روز دیگه یاهو میاد اسم ما رو از تو لیست کشوراش حذف میکنه و امروزم شرکتی به بزرگی گوگل میاد اشتباهی رو که چندین باره تو این سالها دارن شرکتهای مختلف انجام میدن دوباره انجام میده و اونم تغییر نام خلیج فارس به خلیج عربیه. واقعا نمی دونم چی بگم و کی رو باعث همچین حرکاتی بدونم. اگه تعداد آرای مخالفین این نام به مرز یک میلیون برسه شرکت گوگل مجبور میشه به خاطر حفظ اعتبارش نام رو تغییر بده و به خلیج فارس تبدیل کنه.
فقط می تونم خواهش کنم که یه کم فکر کنیم به این که کجا بودیم و به کجا داریم میریم.
آآآی کورورش!!!
Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.۱
If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, ۱
you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money.۱
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.1
Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. ۱
My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets
are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their
picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they
will get back to you.1
You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on,۱
wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in,۱
leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. ۱
I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through
another long answering machine message when you call me...1
I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the
phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this message
, but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it
LATER, except for you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're listening to
it... I mean, like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing.1
Hello, this is the Brown residence. We're in the middle of a family fight
right now. Leave your name and number at the beep and whoever wins will
call you right back.1
Hello. (Pause.) Hello? (Pause.) Hello! (Pause.) No, it doesn't look as if I'm in
right now. Maybe you should leave a message at the beep or call me back
later. BEEP. (Pause three seconds.) Just kidding, that wasn't really the beep. ۱
Are you ready now?1
Well I finally got an answering machine. Now how does this thing work?۱
Hmmm. Press record button, I did that, and the light should be on. ۱
I wonder why it's not working right. Hmmmm, I wonder what this button
does...۱
Thank you for calling 911. All of our operators are currently busy. Please stay on
the line, and your call will be answered in the order it was received. ۱
Worst Muzak possible. Thank you for holding. Your call is important to us.۱
Please continue to hold. Or, if your little emergency isn't too serious, leave
a message at the tone, and one of our crisis operators will call you back. ۱
Have a nice day.۱
Please leave a tone after the message.۱
Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak
very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.۱
Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message,۱
and if I don't call back, it's you.۱
Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?۱
Hello. Here are my answers to last week's messages, in order of their arrival.۱
Yes. Maybe. At seven. You'll get it tomorrow. For sure. Get me that phone
number. Thanks, I take my messages on Mondays.۱
Hello, we are all currently home, but someone stole our phone...۱
And the recording tape from this answering machine. So you can't
reach us until we either find a phone or get a tape. If you had to waste
a quarter on this call... Sorry.۱
Hello. I'm home right now but cannot find the phone. Please leave a message
and I will call you up as soon as I find it.۱
Ready? GO!!!
First Question: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person.1
What position are you in?1
Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong!1
If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!1
Now answer the second question, but don't take as much time as you
took for the first question, OK ?1
Second Question: If you overtake the last person, then you are...?1
Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again.
Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?1
Today is definitely not your day, is it? Maybe you'll get the last
question right. Maybe.1
Third Question: Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 1
3Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?1
Answer: Did you Answer Nunu?1
NO! Of course it isn't.1
Her name is Mary. Read the question again!1
Okay, now the bonus round:
A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the
action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the
shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Next, a blind man comes into the
shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?1
Answer: He just has to open his mouth and ask... It's really very simple...1
A woman awakes during the night to find that her
husband was not in their bed. She puts on her
robe and goes downstairs to look for him
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table
with a cup of coffee in front him. He appears
deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She
watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and
takes a sip of coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she
whispers as she steps into the room
Why are you down here at this time of night? The
husband looks up Do you remember 20 years ago
when we were dating and you were only 17?" he
asks solemnly The wife is touched thinking her
husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she
replies. The husband pauses. The words are not
coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us
in my car?" "Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself
into a chair beside him. The husband continues... "Do
you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my
face and said, "Either you marry
my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20
years". "I remember that too", she replies softly. He
wipes another tear from his cheek and says: "I
would have gotten out today!"d
Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an
airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and
God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses
Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?1"۱
Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is
evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and
that if any more freon is used, the whole earth will
become a greenhouse and we'll all die."1
God thinks for a second and says "Okay, I can live with
that.Come and sit at my left."۱
God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?"۱
Bill replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. ۱
I think people should be able to make their own
choices about things and that no one should ever
be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe
in feeling people's pain."۱
God thinks for a second and says "Okay, that sounds
good. Come and sit at my right."۱
God then address Hillary. "Hillary, what do you believe in?"۱
"I believe you're in my chair.۱"
Three guys, a Canadian, Osama Bin Laden and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day.
They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish, that's
three wishes total," says the Genie. The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer,
and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." With a blink of the
Genie's eye, 'POOF' the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming. Osama Bin Laden
was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews or
Americans can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there
was a huge wall around Afghanistan. "Uncle Sam" asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more
about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and
completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out -- virtually impenetrable." Uncle Sam
says, "Fill it with water."
Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by
the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They
walked deep into the jungle and waited by a
path.Before long, along came this little old man.
The son said, "Ooh dad, there's one." "No," said
the father. "There's not enough meat on that one
to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."Well, a little
while later, along came this really fat man. The son
said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough." "No," the
father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the
fat in that one. We'll just wait."About an hour later,
here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman.The
son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one
dad. Let's eat her.""No," said the father. "We'll not
eat her either.""Why not?" asked the son."Because,
we're going to take her back alive and eat your
mother
Everybody on earth died and goes to heaven God comes and says : i want the men make two lines. One line for the men that dominated thier women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by thier women Also i want all the women to go with st.peter" with that said and done.the next time God looked ,the women are gone and there are two lines. the line of the men that were dominated by thier women was 100 miles long , and in the line of men that dominated thier women , ther was only one man. God got mad and said ,"you men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. look at the only,one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. learn from him!!!.tell them my son.,how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"and the man replied,"I dont know ,my wife told me to stand here."thats it
